36-year-old new Dad texts list of rules for meeting his newborn baby: 'Please avoid... comparing him to other babies'

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  • New Dad kisses his baby on the head while sitting near crib.
  • To make your first visit with I a bit smoother, we have a couple quick guidelines for guests. We know it looks long but a lot of this is intuitive once you're in the space. Feel free to skim, but also please don't skim. Thanks so much!!
  • General Please text. ~2 mins before arrival so we can begin transitioning When you come in, just pause briefly so register your presence can Try to come in calm and grounded (if you've had a chaotic day, a quick reset lap around the block is appreciated) Aim for warm, steady energy vs anything too high- frequency
  • Hygiene wrists) Please wash hands thoroughly (including thumbs and Then just do a quick second wash to be safe If you touch your phone after washing, just re-wash Soft fabrics preferred; nothing overly loud or crinkly Please avoid strong scents (cologne, detergent, etc.)
  • Parent sits next to infant baby, who lays peacefully on couch.
  • Interaction with No need to engage right away when he's ready on) will notice you A soft smile is perfect (full teeth can feel like a lot early Speak in a calm, measured tone; full sentences are great, he's very receptive to cadence Try to avoid overly performative baby voice
  • Eye contact should be gentle and intermittent (think friendly coworker, not intense eye contact across a bar) If offered to hold him, take him confidently Please support the head, neck, and overall situation
  • Language / commentary Helpful: "he seems very aware" / "there's a lot going on there" / "you can tell he's processing" Please avoid: "he's so small" (without also acknowledging depth), "uh oh" if he cries, or comparing him to other babies
  • If spiral cries No need to react verbally Just stay calm and present - he can feel when people Please don't ask "what's wrong," we try not to project
  • Food / external factors If you've had garlic, onions, or anything aggressive, just flag it If you feel even slightly under the weather or "off," we can always reschedule
  • Departure stage Soft exit is best No big goodbyes - doesn't require closure at this
  • We've been friends for a long time but this is giving me an anxiety attack. Probably just gonna go say hi and get out of dodge. Like bro come on
  • fake_tan I'm doing at "please support the head, neck, and overall situation."
  • He'll figure it out, and they'll all have a good laugh about it someday

    AugustWallflower This poor delusional man has clearly never been around babies. This should be entertaining. Please update after he's been a parent for 3 months.
  • See ya when the kid is 2!

    thehugejackedman 'You know what, never mind'
  • ruralife The only reasonable request is to wash your hands once.
  • tulipa_labrador honestly when i first opened. the post i was ready to defend mum & dad because there are some important things to make clear.. but this is horseshite please don't say "what's wrong" we don't like to project
  • New Dad reads his baby a book.

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